Tuesday, April 10, 2012

The Transfer

This was my fourth transfer, and I have long since given up expecting my transfer to be filled with magical moments. Hopefully this will be my last transfer ever, so I won't have to wish that the next time won't have tears, or frustrations. Here's what happened.

I arrive at 9:00 am for a 9:30 am transfer, and instructed on my calendar. I begin drinking water to fill my bladder in a waiting room so full that I'm leaning up against a corner. I watch as people come and go, and I'm still waiting and drinking. Finally a single seat opens up and the Brain and I share it. Around 10:30 my bladder is so full that I'm bouncing and getting annoyed. She goes up to the window and lets them know I've been holding my bladder for an hour. They tell me to wait a little longer and pee if I really need to. That is when I start crying. I'm not really sure why I was crying...maybe just the pure frustration and the fact that it actually starting to hurt my bladder is s full. So, I get up (and toss my water bottle) and go to the restroom. Now, how are you supposed to just let a little urine out and then hold it again? And how was I supposed to just calm down, stop crying and compose myself so that they don't know I've been crying? Yep, I failed at both. They called me back finally and the Brain fills my bottle of water up again so I can start drinking again. We let them know I had to pee. THEN and only THEN do they tell me they are behind because they had to evacuate the building for a fire earlier. Wow! I totally could understand this...so maybe they should have told me this when I arrived and had me wait until instructed to start drinking.

They then apologize to me for not returning my e-mails about my eggs and I'm reassured that they would have called me if anything were wrong. The embryologist comes in and tells me that we have two excellent quality blasts to transfer, one that is actually starting to hatch. He's pleased with this and starts to leave. I stop him and ask about the other eggs. There were 23 fertilized ones on Thursday, and he was only telling me about two of them. I asked if any were frozen on day three. He tells me that none have been frozen, that at least five arrested and that five more were developing slowly. So, out of all these eggs we were transferring the only two quality ones. There may be nothing left to freeze. Part of doing another fresh cycle was to have another batch of better quality blasts.

I'm trying to remember it only takes one good egg, and hopefully that egg is nuzzling in right now. I'm tying to think about how people say that one door doesn't close without another door opening. I'm trying to remain positive. Before the transfer Dr Q said they he believes the only reason I won't become a mother is if I give up. Thanks Dr Q, but what if I run out of money? Oops, there I go being negative again.

Time to relax, watch mindless movies, connect the dots in my activity book and sleep.

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