Wednesday, June 29, 2011


Our RE continues to shower us with kindness. The Brain called yesterday to ask how much the FET would cost. (Maybe we should have done this at our baseline ultrasound?) They put her on hold, and when they returned, they blew her away. The $2000 FET, which should have come with a discount (for being a nurse) is actually not going to cost anything. We'll pay for blood work, and of course continue paying for our meds, but the FET is free. I have NO idea why, and I'm not going to question it. I'm just amazingly grateful for yet another act of generosity. Perhaps our RE wants to entice us to bring more baked treats, or maybe he's just very invested in making our story a success story. Regardless, he's getting the Brain's famous brownies this Tuesday.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Butterflies In My Basket

This Friday we go in for an ultrasound to see if I'm ready to start progesterone. If my lining is thick enough, we should expect to do the transfer on July 5th. The Brain has picked up the baby blanket she began crocheting during our last cycle. I suppose this is her way of coping with having the idea that we may be pregnant again soon. She's coping better than I am. Instead of nervous excitement, I'm scared. I'm afraid we'll have another BFN. I'm afraid that we'll have a BFP that will end in a m/c. I'm sad that IF has made this process about fear and caution rather than joy and abandon. I have to center myself, find my little zen place and stay there. Maybe it's in the pile of stuff next to the bed. I'll have to dig deep below the pillows to find it.

Being a nervous nelly,

Sunday, June 12, 2011


AF is here with vengeance, and that is an understatement. Day one was slow and I prematurely thought that maybe this cycle was going to be super light because of the D&C. By the next day, I was bleeding so heavy that I soaked through a super plus tampon in an hour. At that point, I switched to pads, because tampons make the cramping so much worse. On Saturday, day three, I visited my RE for my baseline ultrasound and he suggested I get a CBC. Usually by day three, when I sit on the little chucks, there is only a slight but of blood only after the ultrasound wand has been removed. Nope, this time I had soaked it before he even entered the room. I got up to get dressed and noticed blood on the floor. I hurried and cleaned it up and disposed of the chucks. Being a stubborn ER nurse, I refused to go to the urgent care for a CBC until I was symptomatic.... lightheaded. My hemoglobin was normal and so I went on my merry way to continue soaking through one pad every three hours. Here we are on day four, and now in addition to all the blood, there are huge clots. JOY!! I've used up the package of pads and bought overnights in hopes that will cut down on the frequency. All this is way to much information, but I'm just overwhelmed by the amount of blood pouring out of my body. My periods usually last 5 days, and today is the end of day 4. I see no signs of this easing up. It's making it very difficult to enjoy that fact that we've begun our cycle for FET #2. Yes, my first injection was yesterday! 

Off to bleed some more...

Friday, June 10, 2011

Lunchtime First

I met a woman about the same age as me through the Resolve message boards. I was so excited to friend her on the boards when I saw how close to me she lived. Although I thought maybe we could become friends, I didn't suggest it for fear that she would not want to break the anonymity of the the message boards format. To my great surprise, she asked me if I would like to join her and her friend for lunch. Although I was nervous about meeting a complete stranger off the internet, I accepted. The three of us met on Thursday for lunch. We dove straight into our IF and respectfully leapt over personal boundaries. Our experiences with IF were all different yet we had so much in common. In fact, we have all seen the same RE. We talked about our spouses, our mother in laws, our sister in laws, our furbabies, our jobs, our neurotic fertility diets, God, religion, sex, baking and more until suddenly three hours had passed. I left with such joy in my heart to have been able to meet personally with two IF sisters. I am so thankful to the two of them for allowing me to join them, and for sharing their stories with me. I look forward to our next lunch.

Looking forward to more Panera,