Saturday, March 24, 2012

Insane in the Brain

I love stimms. Seriously, it's like opening a door to some parallel universe where every stupid thing makes you sentiMENTAL and misty eyed, and you've lost the reins to your emotions. Friday on the way to work I was listening to 90s on 9 (xm radio) and Cypress Hill came on. I turned it up and sang along with Insane in the Brain. The world sent a little irony through the satellite just for me. Yep, there I was on the freeway getting all choked up thinking about groups of teenagers at high school dances jumping up and down with their arms in their air, wearing formal dresses, dancing to this song. It took me back to a happy little place. But, high school was not really a happy little place for me. I didn't go to many dances, I didn't date anyone from my school, I roamed from group to group never really fitting in anywhere and counting the days until I could escape to college, make something of myself and show everyone who had made my life difficult. Yet there I was, teary eyed because of a song about going out drinking, growing pot and dealing with the police! That's right folks...I've gone INSANE in the BRAIN.

Tuesday, March 13, 2012


So, Saturday I may have enjoyed a few too many alcoholic beverages. And, being that I am 32 years old, I expected the nausea and dizziness on Sunday. But Monday? And Tuesday? That's when it hit me. The last time I felt like that was the last time I was on BCP. I have 7 more days of BCP, which means one more week of this nausea. Thank goodness for tea, sprite and saltines.

Saturday, March 10, 2012

It's Time

Yes, that's right. It's time for another cycle of IVF. AF showed up. The Brain and I are in a good place. I'm happy at work. I'm relaxed. I've put on 1.9 kg (gaining weight is nearly impossible for me) and we have the money. I'm excited about starting again but also nervous. I don't want to be neurotic, or obsess over every little thing. But, here I am waiting for my Lupron which are supposed to arrive today so I can start it. And I'm wondering if maybe they mistook me telling them Saturday for next Saturday, and if I should call and confirm that they actually shipped them for delivery today. All my leftover meds are out on the table so that I can do an inventory and let my IVF coordinator know what I have so she doesn't reorder those meds, or more meds then I'll need since all this is paid in cash. There is the little box of Ganirelix to my right...the evil injection that caused my body to shut down and my e2 levels to Plummet leading to the cancelation of my last cycle. It will be donated to my doctor's office so they can give it to someone else. It's only fair. They have given me so many meds for free over the years.

I finally broke down and called the pharmacy to get a tracking number, looked it up and discovered...Fed Ex came to the gate and never tried to get in. I know they didn't use the directory at the gate to call me because it calls my cell phone which I had next to my bed with the ringer on as high as it would go. Even if they called and I missed that call, it would show up as a missed call. They didn't even leave one of their notes on the gate that states they tried to get through. I've noticed recently that Fed Ex has not been delivering into the complex, so I was worried about this. So, after a call to Fed Ex explaining that these are medications that I need today I'm left waiting for a phone call to see if this driver will turn around and deliver them to me, or if I'll have to go to their location and pick them up. Thanks Fed Ex driver for being too lazy to push a few buttons to contact me and deliver my Lupron.