Sunday, September 2, 2012
Riding the Hormonal Roller Coaster
It happened somewhere after 20 weeks. Suddenly, and without any warning, anything could make me cry. The Brain would just have to have an intonation in her voice and I'd be convinced she was mad at me and then there came the tears. It's my number one trigger these days. Last weekend when I was so upset that something might go wrong that I burst into tears because I'd realized I'd become crazy. Last night I watched the movie "A Little Bit of Heaven" and burst out into full on uncontrollable sobbing. We're talking crying like the protagonist was my close and personal friend. I even got a nosebleed from it. Why I thought watching a movie about a young woman (around my age) being diagnosed with terminal cancer and then finding love was a good idea..I have no clue. Then last night we tried perineal massage for the first time (as advised by my doctor). I felt vulnerable and uncomfortable, so the flood gates opened. This morning over breakfast I told the Brain about last nights strange dream. She told me she had a bad dream about us. I couldn't leave it at that so pried further until she told me that I had told her that I was leaving and taking our son with me. I burst into tears and sobs and told her I would never do that. And then lastly, I became overwhelmed looking through slow cooker recipes in order to pick out easy meals since I'm going back to work. I was looking through five ingredient recipes, it doesn't get much more simple yet I threw body dramatically on the table and declared it was too much. Yep... pregnancy hormones have taken over and gotten the best of me. Poor Brain...she hates to see me upset and always wants to make it better and she just keeps asking "What can I do to make you feel better? What do you need?" And the answer is always "I dunno." And...we have 17 more weeks of riding this hormonal roller coaster followed by the postpartum hormones.