Today I made it my goal to contact a list of potential photographers for a maternity and newborn photo sessions. Simple task, right? I'd already looked at their online portfolios and narrowed it down to a select few. I realized nobody was going to have everything I wanted. Basically, for a less expensive session I was going to expect to only walk away with a few photos because they were expensive. Those who charged more per session had less expensive photos. Each photographer had something about them that I liked. And, the one I like the most really approaches his work as art, which is something I can appreciate and am looking for. At first I was looking only for newborn sessions, but I really do want to capture this time. He does some nude maternity photos that look like they belong in a gallery. I'd like to do some of those for the Brain, because they are intimate and if there is one thing we discovered during our pregnancy, is intimacy. So, I checked that off my list and moved on.
Item two, mohels. Researching men who I have never met, who I am going to hire to perform a sacred ritual on my tiny infant son. He has to be willing to work with not only a lesbian couple, but also an interfaith one. This means that there will be people there who have never been to a bris. He has to convey how special the moment is to people who think of a circumcision as something a doctor does to remove the foreskin, when in fact, it is so much more. And yes, I have to choose the man who will take a scalpel to my baby's penis. I read one profile of a pediatrician/mohel who approaches it the same way it is done in the hospital. Local anesthetic injected into the penis and the baby is strapped down. I've witnessed this done on the second day of life and found it cold. In a bris, the baby is held on a pillow by an honored guest. It is warm and full of love. It is not a medical procedure, but a mitzvah. And with this, the freak out began.
I couldn't compose my list of questions for the mohel even though I basically just have to copy them out of The New Jewish Baby Book. It just seemed like too much. And because it seemed like too much I worried that I was putting it off. And because I was putting it off, I wasn't going to have enough time to do everything that needs to be done. And this all stems from the fact that we're running out of time. Wednesday will be the first day of my third trimester. Which means we're 2/3 there. Which means there is only three brief months left. And I still haven't folded any of the baby clothes I washed!! Do you see where I'm going here?
I decided to calm down by taking a nice relaxing shower. My little dog insisted on not leaving my side so I brought her into the bathroom to lay in there while I showered. That wasn't good enough because she insisted on sitting on the edge of the bath. But then she jumped into the shower and stood on her hind legs for uppies. This is how the Brain found me, freaking out in the shower holding my dog. She dried her off and joined me. This extended the shower time, and the water was too warm, and I was freaking out. So by this time my heart was racing and I was dizzy, but not fully showered. I finished washing up and was nauseated. I vomited all my breakfast, although I had eaten it almost three hours prior.
And this is how a to do list of two things ends with your head in the toilet.