Thursday, January 12, 2012

The Bombshell

Last Saturday the Brain and attended the foster/adoption orientation. It was informative and overwhelming. There were about 90 people there trying to absorb all the information they were skimming over. I felt like we got the cliffs notes version of "welcome to country foster and adoption." I walked out feeling worried about all the classes, all the paperwork, and all of the hoops we'd have to jump through. I read over all the paperwork we received as a prize for filling out the paper work they mailed us, and the paperwork they handed out before orientation. I couldn't believe they wanted family medical information, a financial breakdown, and a three page questionnaire asking about why we want to adopt, what our relationship with our parents is like, if we were ever sexually abused, what our favorite color is, and if we ever plan on riding a rocket-ship to the moon.

A couple of days later the Brain approached me after she got out of the shower and says she doesn't want to adopt. WHAT??? Yep...she doesn't want to adopt because of the high chance of ending up with a baby that has been exposed to methamphetamine. It's a huge problem in our county, I'm witness to that in the ER. It is something I worry about. Of course, like any mom, I want my baby to be happy and healthy. It's not unreasonable to expect and hope for a baby who hasn't been exposed to drugs even though people talk to me with a "beggars can't be choosers" type attitude. Back to the Brain. She now says that she would rather carry the baby than adopt. And this leads us to the fact that she has been adamant about NOT carrying a baby. She thinks it's ridiculous that we have asked another person to carry for us, but won't do it herself. And, she thinks that if a transgendered man could have a baby, that she could too. Yes, Thomas Beatie has been pregnant three times, and given birth to three beautiful babies. But...that's such an extreme situation to refer back to. I feel like I'd owe her everything for the rest of my life, and that's not fair.

I tried breaching the subject of adoption through a private agency. She seemed open to the idea. I worry though because I have no clue how we would come up with the money for that. I'm putting adoption of the back burner for now.

In the meantime, I have received my release date from my job. I will be transfering to the PACU at the end of this month. As of today, I have eight shifts left in the ER. After that, it's eight hour evenings in a happy and more controlled environment. The countdown to happiness and relaxation has begun!


  1. Adoption is still going to require the paperwork. I think we turned over more to our social worker for the homestudy than we had to when we bought our house! My folder of info for the adoption process is/was HUGE. So, if paperwork is playing into anything, whether it be fostering through the county or adopting through an agency, the paperwork will probably still require the deaths of several trees.

    As to the other, that's a decision you guys have to make, but I'm sure that, like all things child related, there will be a lot for you guys to talk about.

    Sending hugs and thoughts...

  2. That's deffinetly a bombshell, and I'm sure you both have a lot to discuss. Drug use is a huge issue in our country, and it's unfortunate. I wish cost wasn't a factor when it came to adoption or infertility treatments, I wish any couple who wanted to expand their family wasn't limited by finances, it sucks. Instead you feel as if you have to sell your organs on the black market (ok not really, but that's how I feel some days). Have you thought about an open adoption, where you could meet the parents and see that drug use wasn't an issue before adopting? I think it costs a little bit more, but maybe then it would be worth it? I wish I could give you more advice, just know I'm thinking about both of you as your move forward and I really hope you find peace with whatever you decide to do. (Hugs). I know your miracle is waiting for you.