In the Last Week I…

I had a 4-day-old little girl brought to me by EMTs after her mother was placed on a psychiatric hold for inappropriate behavior. They had been staying at a safe house within a rehabilitation facility. The baby’s behavior and development was all normal, but she had a little hematoma on her head. Because it was a CPS case, there was nobody there to take care of the baby. All the nurses and some of the doctors were fighting over holding, and feeding, and changing and cuddling the baby. I had no interest in holding the baby, but I took care of her when nobody else was around. The baby ended up having a skull fracture and bleed. I knew I should feel angry, but I didn’t. I didn’t feel anything.

I took a pregnancy test and it was still positive. Seeing that second line and knowing it wasn’t real was crushing. The next day, I tested again and it was negative.

I’ve been fighting a cold all week. After Theraflu failed me, I took Mucinex. I didn’t realize it has dextromethorphan. After taking the med, I spent the next day and a half stuck in bed trying not to freak out. I get anxious, hallucinate, and feel terrible when I take anything with dextromethorphan.

While at Disneyland I got a call from my RE’s office letting me know that my beta as of Wednesday was 20. My RE thinks that I could start a cycle as early as next week. Maybe we’ll go ahead, maybe we won’t.  Rather than thinking about it too hard, I went on a rollercoaster.

We went out of dinner at an amazing steakhouse. I had a delicious glass of wine, yet another thing I couldn’t do if I were still pregnant.

Got the green light to start a new FET cycle next week. I wrote back that we would start once this cold has gone away.