Thursday, April 7, 2011

Letter To My Higher Power...

Today I am 7 weeks pregnant and I am scheduled for my first ultrasound. Please grant me the pleasure of seeing a baby, measuring 7 weeks, with a strong heartbeat. Please let me feel connected with this little life growing inside of me. Release me from this fear and apprehension I feel everyday. Today I worry that my uterus will be empty, that there will be an empty sac, that there will be a baby and no heartbeat, that there will be a baby and a slow heartbeat, or something worse, if that is possible. I am too afraid to take a pregnancy test in order to reassure myself that I'm still pregnant, because I think it will only show one line. I worry because my betas were so low, and most women on my message boards report high numbers. I try and reassure myself by reminding myself that I only have the power to take my shots and vitamins, to eat nutritious foods, to hydrate well, to sleep as directed on my side or back, to abstain from sex and to rest. Please replace this fear with love and serenity. It is out of my hands.

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