8 weeks 0 days

5:38 a.m.- I’ve been up since 3:45 a.m. watching old episodes of the Twilight Zone. How ironic and appropriate, since I feel like I’m in my own Twilight Zone episode: Pinky’s Pregnancy. In less than 12 hours I should have some answers. I hope all the nausea and fatigue I’ve experiences this week are positive signs. But, I keep dreaming about needing to schedule a D&C. I’ve been trying to maintain a happy attitude, since being depressed won’t help my little runt.

8:15 a.m.- The baby bump app sent me an update letting me know I’ve started a new week in my pregnancy. 8 weeks today! By now my baby should be the size of a raspberry, and my uterus the size of a grapefruit. Perhaps I was too hasty in purchasing an app that would guide me through my pregnancy week by week. Shame on me for celebrating my pregnancy with great optimism so early on.

10:00 a.m.- The pain, redness, and swelling in my right hip/butt from the PIO injections is unbearable. The pressure of my underwear is too much. I melt down into full on snotty nose sobbing. My little dog decides my butt is a springboard. At this moment she is my worst enemy, and I can’t blame her, how can she know any better?

4:30 p.m.- There is no new development, the pregnancy is over. My doctor starts to give me my options and I blurt out D&C before he can even finish. The Brain and I had already discussed this, so there was no need for further conversation. He offers to call in his anesthesiologist and do it right then and there. I accept until I realize I had drunk tea on the way in, and eaten 6 hours prior. They check my insurance to see what will be covered. My dear insurance company wants me to go to my primary doctor. My sainted RE feels more comfortable doing it himself, decides to waive his fee, leaving only a mere $400 for us to cover for the anesthesiologist. I feel blessed to have such a wonderful RE. We schedule the D&C for first thing the next morning. We reschedule the Brain’s doctor’s appointment and head home.

7:00 p.m.- The sense of calm and relief I’ve been feeling starts to fade. I’m a little sad and a little nervous. I keep having thoughts of posting something obnoxious and totally inappropriate on FB. Mostly I’m just glad this will soon be over and we will get to try again as soon as my beta is near 0. In the meantime, I plan on watching a sad movie and icing my swollen butt.