Thursday, November 8, 2012

Fur Babies, Our Baby & Tempers

The fur babies came home to us last night after staying at my parent's house since I was admitted to the hospital. They had all the dogs, but we brought the big scary 80 pound dog home a while back so that I had a little protection while alone. The girls love being at grandma and grandpa's house because they have a yard and get played with more. They snuggle with my mom in her bed in the mornings after my dad wakes up, lets them out and feeds them. It's actually his way of trying to get my mom out of bed, but it never works. The last time they spent the weekend with my parents they tried to run back to the front door while we were getting them into the car. And when they came home last night, they didn't even "say hi" to us like we'd expected.

But we had to bring them home. Tuesday my mother tells me that Monday my dad had completely lost it. He was screaming, yelling and banging things around. She was afraid enough that she considered grabbing the girls and heading to my house. Tessa had been whining during his rage and it was irritating him more so he put them in the kennel. That part seems fine. I've done the same thing when I'm upset about something and they are in my face and interfering with my ability to just calm down. But the part of my mom's story that scared me was that (per my mom) he stood there yelling at them "the world doesn't revolve around you!" and then she was afraid he might throw one across the room. Since he's been yelling at my mom a lot recently, angry all the time, and a little unpredictable, we decided for safety reasons to have the girls return home.

It just reminded me of my childhood too much, and how I don't want my baby's childhood to be. And, while my dad never hit me (beyond being spanked when I was young until I laughed at him for doing it) my parents have left some deep emotional scars. And I know that he was yelling at the dogs, but I immediately thought about the possibility of him yelling at my son like that. What was going to happen if he was babysitting my son and got upset about something, and the baby started crying? Was he going to yell and scream at him? If he did, it would be the last time he was alone with my son.

I'm laying here on bed rest, trying to protect my unborn baby from entering the world too early, and the thought of him being caught up in a situation like that makes me sick inside in a way I've never experiences. I have a feeling that protective instinct will be even stronger once my baby is actually here.

I'm trying to get my mom to talk to my dad about his temper and the deep seeded fear behind it. My dad needs help. Professional help, therapy. He's gone a few times and then decides he's said everything he wanted to and didn't need it anymore. Obviously this is not how it works, but my dad is pig headed and doesn't listen to anyone, and my mom is too timid to push the issue. Which is where we are now. She doesn't want to talk to him about his anger because she's afraid of making him angry. I'll talk to him, but I'm trying to avoid stress right now, and this situation isn't helping reduce my contractions (I've been having them all week). My brother is willing to talk to my dad about it even though he lived in Maryland. All I know is that it needs to be resolved and I feel stuck in the middle. My mom had a great opportunity to tell my dad why the dogs were coming home after he told her he was crushed to see them leaving, and she didn't take it.

This really sucks!

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