Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Recent Musings

Insurance companies are there to make your life harder when life is already difficult. I've been stuck under a mountain of paperwork. Ok, well, really it's more like a small stack, but getting it all completed has been as difficult as climbing a mountain. To spare you the two week and counting saga I'll leave it at, I don't think they ever actually want to pay you out.

Just the thought of having to do this paperwork again makes me dread the idea of being cleared to go back to work. I also don't know that I will ever feel comfortable pushing patients around in difficult and heavy beds while pregnant. I'm never again going to assume that people will just help me out of pure kindness, because I've already experienced the "there is no such thing as light duty on this unit" speeches and eye flutterings. On the other hand, working and having the opportunity to earn some overtime would be financially beneficial.

I'm almost giddy with anticipation just thinking about the possibility of maybe being able to find out the sex of baby eggnog a couple of weeks early. I have an ultrasound scheduled for 7/30 and I'm hoping we can ask for a sneak peak. Knowing them, they'll tell me they can't say because they wouldn't even tell me what the baby was measuring last time (something they just read off the screen). The Brain won't be allowed in during the ultrasound, so I'm hoping if they will tell me, they will wait until it's over when she's allowed into the room.

I've been tempted to take a photo of my belly and post it on facebook, and ask my friends to place their bets on if it's a boy or a girl. Then the sensible side of me thinks about how I would feel if I saw that and wasn't pregnant, and remembers that I have several friends still struggling with IF and comes to my senses.

I had a scare the other day because I was just feeling off and "jet lagged" all day. Baby's heartbeat was fine that day and when I checked it again a couple days later. Before this "bad day" I thought I hard started to feel the baby move, with light popping feelings. Now, I don't feel it. Maybe it was just gas. I know the baby has a heartbeat, but I so wish I could feel it move for added reassurance.

Sleep has already become difficult so yesterday I bought a snoogle. So far I'm not sure about it. I was so excited and desperate for a good night's sleep that I couldn't fall asleep for a very long time and then woke up at 6:00 am instead of the usual 9:30 am.

The "nursery" is so tiny (less than 10x10ft. There is not a single wall that is really usable since one wall has the closet, another has a window and a built in shelving unit, another had the door and abuts up to the shelving unit with the cabinet doors and the last abuts up to the window and the closet. The only place I can really think to put the crib is under a drafty old window. I've written an e-mail asking my dad if we can have the window replaced, but I doubt he will pay for it, and we can't afford it. We may have to bring in the Pottery Barn Professionals to set up our micro nursery.

Two Fridays ago we went to Shabbat services. It was the Brain's first time and my first time in about 14 years. It reminded me of the congregation at the beginning of Sister Act. A sleepy, old, unenthusiastic group of people. Really, people were asleep in their rascals, and nobody came up to us and introduced themselves. Part of the problem may have been we were there with my parents, who have zero social skills and are a bit off putting. None the less, during the Sh'ma, the most "important" of prayers, moved me to tears and I had to run to the bathroom. We're still looking for the right congregation. I wrote an e-mail to one congregation asking if we would be welcome to participate in services as a homosexual interfaith couple, and I have yet to hear back from them. Perhaps the "no answer" was my answer. It's too bad because they looked like an amazing community.

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