My dad has always loved the cliched quote "when life gives you lemons, make lemonade." He even used it in his speech at my Bat Mitzvah when I was 13. But what happens when life gives you lemons, you try and make lemonade, the lemons are rotten and you have cuts on your hands? What then?
Am I stuck in a dark place? Absolutely. Do I feel angry? Yes. Am I feeling a little depressed? Probably. Do I feel sorry for myself? Sure. Do I feel like giving up? A little.
I keep having flashes of images that represent the way I feel. I see myself repeatedly walking into a glass door or reaching into a jar and getting shocked. Or with a plug getting yanked open, deflating and falling to the floor. I'm knelt down on my knees, arms up in the air cursing the heavens, tears streaming down my face.
I hate that we are supposed to make lemonade out of lemons, it just never seems to work out in the land of IF. I feel like I'm being dangled a carrot in front of my nose, and I try relentlessly to catch it, but never do. I feel like getting pregnant is so close I can almost feel it, but it is always out of reach. It's so defeating. I find just taking it one day at a time seems to help, but in truth, some days are just way harder than others. I hope you get your happy ending soon=)
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