7dp5dt

As much as I wish IVF didn’t involve vaginas, it does. There is constantly things going in and coming out. Pelvic ultrasounds with loads of goopie surgilube, speculums, catheter tips, dilators, camera tips, contrast, saline, suppositories, needles…in. Blood, more blood, secretions, increased secretions, and more blood…out. Why can't my vagina be a happy place, all cute and clean, and free of medical instruments. Of course, all this will seem obsolete once I’m pregnant and delivering a baby and all that comes out with that… With that said, I raise my glass of water to TMI, an unavoidable part of IF.

At 2:00 am I had my first bathroom break of the night. I sat down, looked down, and there it was…thick, dark, brown blood. Damn! How can be blood be a good sign seven hours before my beta? Then, an hour later, more brown blood. That’s it…it’s over, it hasn’t worked. My coworker who is a midwife suggested implantation bleeding. Some of the members of members of my online support group also suggested implantation bleeding. When I get to the office looking defeated, one of the nurses reassured me that dark brown is good blood. She comments that I always stay so positive until the last day. She’s right, except for the one off negative Nancy day earlier in the week, I’m usually very upbeat and positive.

Then the phone call wakes me up around 3 pm. The nurse says she has good news and I have to stop her and question what she said. Good news? For me? No, I’m bleeding and it’s over. She says my beta is 23. That’s 13 more than last cycle when I had a chemical pregnancy. This is progress!

Now, if only I could renounce my membership to the panty inspection club...

Pinky