10 Weeks

Since my first cycle of IVF, I have had a big brown box full of syringes, needles, alcohol wipes and various medications. Before each cycle we organize it and take inventory of what we are running low on, and what extra meds we have, so we can use them up first. At the end of each cycle, we close the box, and put it in the hall closet so we can forget about it until next time. This time, it's different. This time, all my extras are going to my RE's office next Monday so they can use them for other people. It's exciting to be able to give back to them since they gave me so much. They have given me two gonal f pens, countless syringes and needles and handfuls of crinone. They also have me a box of endometrium which I never even opened. To date, all I have them back was the ganirellix, because we would never be touching that stuff again and it's expiration date was coming up. So today, instead of inserting crinone, I took the medication and placed it in my big brown box. Today is that day I never thought would happen, and frankly I'm a little nervous about. It's my first day off meds because I have reached 10 weeks.

Next Monday, God willing, will be my last ultrasound with my RE, and I will graduate to my regular OB. I've been feeling calm about things after hitting 8 weeks and seeing my growing little baby. But, the negative thoughts keep creeping in. I had light brown spotting all of last week, so I hope the hematoma is smaller. But that little negative voice in my head worried it means something else. I didn't throw up yesterday, for the first time in weeks. I was happy about it, but at the same time, that little voice wonders why my nausea was better. I still felt a little queasy on and off yesterday, but it was so mild. Especially compared to Monday when I threw up the entire day. I think part of me hasn't accepted that this is going well and is waiting and expecting something terrible to happen. I'm hoping after 12 weeks, that little part of me goes away, and I can fully enjoy this pregnancy.