Maybe I'm over thinking things, but that's what I do. I don't like to make big life changing decisions without dissecting every aspect as possible. This week I've been considering if it is fair to a child for the Brain and I to even adopt a child. When I say fair, I really mean fair to the child.
When I was a little girl I was always being picked on and made fun of. One of the older girls complemented me on my outfit and, since I was terrified for her because she used to make fun of me, I didn't say anything. So, she called me stuck up and that was just more fuel for her fire. I was made fun of for being shy, for not having "in" clothes, for having hairy arms, for walking funny (not sure why), for being smart, for having a big nose, for being Jewish, and anything else people could think of. For a while, nobody would talk to me except this one girl Raquel, and that's because she didn't speak English so nobody talked to her either. This was because when all the girls in the school stood in a circle and sang "Jesus loves me" I excused myself and told them I didn't believe in Jesus. Rather than asking me about Judaism, I was shunned. I was made fun of at my synagogue during Sunday school and Hebrew school, so even that place wasn't safe.
I bring this up because even though I was raised in an upper middle class, traditional (mother and father who never divorced), educated (mom has a masters and dad has a PhD), Caucasian household, I suffered as a child because of all the bullying at school. Granted, my parents and teachers never intervened. I can honestly say most of my childhood I spent thinking about how I couldn't wait to grow up, make something of myself and forget about all the people who were making my life hell and would most likely never make anything of themselves. I'm not really getting to the point.
My point is this. Is it fair for us to bring an adopted child into our home, no matter how loving we are? We know that any child we have, adopted or from donor sperm will have issues they will need to deal with. They will have two moms and be raised Jewish. In addition to these issues, a child we adopt through the county will most likely be of a different race than ourselves and the adoption will be a closed one. They will have to deal with abandonment issues and whatever else adoption brings up within a child and the issues of being in a biracial household. This just seems like a lot to ask one kid to deal with. Are we being selfish? How do I justify wanting to love a child by asking them to be part of a Jewish (but also Christian), lesbian, biracial, adoptive home.
Like I said before, I could be over thinking this, but it would be irresponsible of me to pretend these issues don't exist.
Persistently worried,
Pinky
(Hugs) That is a lot to take in, and I can completely understand your concerns. Every couple facing adoption asks themself similar questions, and worry if they are doing the right thing or not. At the end of the day though, you both have all this love to give and share, and there is a child out there that may never experience that if it weren't for you both. You have an amazing opportunity to share your life with another human being and create a special bond that will last for an eternity.
ReplyDeleteKids (and even adults for that matter) can be cruel and lack compassion and understanding. It's like the Dr. Seuss quote "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." Your future child, whether adopted or from a donor, will face challeneges in their life-you can't change that and it's part of growing up. What you can do is be there for your child, teach them how to blossom and accept themself just how they are. You know first hand the signs of bullying, and I bet you would do anything in your power to prevent and stop it. You won't just stand by and let it happen, but instead will be there to intervene, give guidance and hope. Whatever you both decide will be right and I know you two are both going to make great moms=)