…and you’ve always been so nice and good hearted with that all said it’s no wonder why God has blessed you so. I am happy for you. You and your hubby make pretty babies so the world is blessed too.”
The IF mind takes these kinds of comments and twists them into syllogisms, even when they have nothing to do with you, your IF, or your character. But, after over two years of hearing what people direct your way, it’s easy to understand why my brain twists a congratulatory statement of being pregnant with twins into an insult. Almost instinctually I rewrite the intended meaning: Good things happen to good people. Bad things happen to you. Therefore you are a bad person.
Then I make a brief list of why I am a bad person: I once organized myself and two other nurses to pay for a taxi for an obnoxious stranded patient because peace and quiet was worth more than the $7. Parents who don’t treat their children’s pain or fever, have acrylic nails and Coach purses, and would rather take their child to the ER than buy a $1 bottle of Motrin, really, REALLY upset me. I drive a gas guzzling truck when really I should be driving an environmentally friendly hybrid. According to the born again Christian’s being Jewish makes me a sinner, and being a lesbian makes me just down right evil. I don’t give homeless people money when they ask, but I will give them food. Yep…just as I suspected….bad.
It’s time to take a step back and examine why such a simple facebook comment can send my brain down the rabbit hole. Over the years, people have been generous with their advice and words of wisdom. What makes these people think they are qualified to give me advise? What follows is some of the advice I’ve been given.
You are trying to hard.
You should just get drunk and find some random person at a club to sleep with.
If you want a baby, I can help you…I make cute babies.
God has a plan for you.
Everything happens for a reason.
If you adopt, then you will be able to have a baby after.
Why don’t you just adopt?
Kids are expensive.
You can have one of my children.
No pain no gain.
Now then, lets try this again. Good things happen to good people and you’ve always been so nice and good hearted….Congratulations Nurse J…you’re fertility has nothing to do with mine.